The Urban Dictionary defines “Crush” as a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special. Some people also define crush as a magnetic pull towards some facets of a person that intrigues and enamors the person crushing on someone.
While growing up, I remember being tagged with some girls because we were mostly seen sitting in class together and walking together outside the classroom and people thought we had some romantic ties. I’d vehemently and vociferously deny having any feelings towards the girls in question meanwhile within me I had this burning desire for them.
I recently watched a movie titled “CRUSH”. The main character in the Movie is a handsome guy called Scott. Scott is a very skillful football player and as a result of this, he has caught the admiration of many girls including his tutor who is a female.
Scott has a secret admirer called Bess who works in a bookstore together with her friend. Bess also has an admirer who openly exhibits his feelings towards her but she has her eyes and heart fixated on Scott. She’s very reserved, quiet and conservative in nature. As a result of this, she’s unable to openly express her feelings to Scott. She always sends Scott anonymous love messages and sometimes requests a meet-up with him at a location of her choice. Sadly, Scott doesn’t accede to her demand. Bess always hides behind the football stands just to watch Scott play football even during odd hours. As if this is not enough, she has subscribed to be notified anytime scot updates his Facebook status thus knowing his daily routines. She also watches Scott jog every morning from the comfort of her window and intentionally bumped into him at a point in time just to strike a conversation with him.
Aside Bess, Jules is another admirer of Scott but her situation differs from Bess’s. She’s very upfront with Scott about her feelings towards him but unfortunately, Scott wants her just as a friend and nothing much. Most at times, she’s seen hanging around with Scott.
The interesting twist to this plot is that anybody that hurts Scott or openly expresses her feelings towards him incurs the wrath of his secret admirer who we all know as Bess.
One night, someone did a graffiti on Jules window warning her to back off Scott. Scott’s tutor also got hit by a log thrown at her on her way back from jogging by someone after expressing her interest in Scott. Scott’s friendship with Jules also turned sour after an anonymous person used Scott’s phone to send a hateful message to Jules. Jules nearly died at a party after being choked with a pillow by an anonymous person. All these while everybody thought Bess was behind all the suspicious gimmicks.
One evening, Scott accidently bumped into Bess’s friend who works at a bookshop with his car. As a gesture of remorse, Scott offered to take her home and dress her wound. After dressing her wounds, Bess’s friend knocked Scott into unconsciousness and kidnapped him into the basement of her home. Her motive was to keep Scott to herself. Interestingly, it was Bess friend who was orchestrating all these atrocious acts all along. This got me wondering why someone would commit such atrocities in the name of having a “Crush” on a guy. I found this level of having a crush on someone very intriguing. Do such instances even occur in real life? As curious as I am, I decided to do a little digging into the topic “Crush” and here are some interesting revelations I ferreted out.
A crush is also called a ‘Limerence’, a term coined in 1977 by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov. Limerence is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feeling reciprocated. According to most psychologists, most crushes happen during teenagehood mostly due to the impressionable nature of the individual and interestingly, crushes tell you more about the admirer than the admired.
Crushes can be categorized into 3 types namely identity crush, romantic crush and celebrity crush. Identity crush is formed when one finds someone they much admire, want to become like and treat as a role model they are eager to imitate and follow. Whereas as a romantic crush is formed when one finds someone who is powerfully attractive and with whom one wants to spend a lot of time with. Celebrity crushes are formed when a person finds someone famous immensely attractive/desirable.
According to psychologists, a crush lasts on average for four months and if feelings go beyond four months, one is considered to be in love.
One would ask, what are some of the signs to look out for when someone has a crush on you? Body language is one detailed way of finding out whether someone has a crush on you and requires an expert level to analyze them.
Psychologists believe that if a woman is interested in a man the rate at which she blinks her eyes is faster than normal.
I found some interesting pointers to look out for when someone has a crush on you.
*You may have someone crushing on you if they jump at every chance they can to help you out.
*They talk pretty highly of you to friends, family, etc.
*They start noticing when you change things in your appearance or clothing. (They compliment you more than often and tell you things they like about you)
*They try hard to pay attention to everything you do or say. (They’ll listen to intently to your stories complaints and jokes)
*They look for excuses to talk with you
*They ask you to hang out one-on-one with them more often than groups.
*Look at hand gestures. (Girls are known to flip their hair or gently touch the shoulder of the person they are crushing on. Guys tend to talk more with their hands when talking to girls they have a crush on)
*She plays with her hair when around you. (When a girl starts to play with her hair and you know it is not falling on her face or out of place, it is evident she’s trying to keep herself busy while at the same time drawing your attention.
Just as with every cause, there is an effect, having a crush also has some side effects. The brain chemistry of a crush is similar to that of obsessive-compulsory disorder (OCD). When a crush really kicks in, it feels like you’re powerless to stop it; because chemicals are being released in your brain. Oxytocin which is a powerful chemical acts as a hormone and a neurotransmitter in the brain which sends signals between neurons. Oxytocin plays a major role in pair-bonding. Its levels drive up when we hug or kiss a loved one. Cortisol, known as “Stress hormone” also comes into play with a crush. The brain releases this chemical and you feel a sudden burst of energy when you see the person. Cortisol is responsible for the adrenaline one feels and the uncontrollable nervousness or excitement. Having a crush can alter your brain chemistry for up to two years.
The next time you have a crush on someone, don’t think you’re crazy and to the so called holier than thou squad, if you have a crush on someone who is not within the confines of your piety, don’t hate the person or see it as the work of the devil. It’s normal .